The Night That Wasn't

I'm JUST getting home from a night of "?" and "WTF?"

This entire week I've been looking forward to this day...FRIDAY! I was going to meet up with my friends and we were going to have a much needed night out together. Well, it turns out it was a night of "Why doesn't everyone else want to party?" This entire night I was looking forward to bouncing around bars and actually having a great time at a few of them. We went to the opening of the "new" Boxer's in Hell's Kitchen...that was very mediocre. We went to "Flaming Saddles" to be honest..that's just not my vibe and reminds me to much of home, but the music is fun. Then we went to "The Ritz" where I was actually having a good time dancing with my friends and I thought we were having a good time. Turns out one friends is really tired...He's got a man & the other is on the hunt for night of meaningless fun. I am however really glad that they both came out, even though I wasn't ready to part.

Don't you hate those night where it's been so amped up to you and it finally comes and you're underwhelmed by it? I don't know what I was looking for? I need to find a group of single friends or something. Everyone I'm surrounded by is all boo'ed up or something or the other and tonight I just really wanted to have a fun night with friends. I've been knee deep in this show and work that tonight I really needed to de-stress. Tonights got me thinking a lot and wanting to do other things. There was a perk tonight. I was being critiqued by a few gays tonight at Posh while I was getting my drink and what they said about my figure and clothes was quiet nice...this working out is paying off ;) Of course I don't want to attract the wrong people and I don't want a group of drama ridden friends..what I want is something consistent, and lasting. Is it really true that nice guys have to finish last? If so, finally, tonight I say THAT'S BULLSHIT and LAME!!! I've been waiting years, and I've been patient and kind...and really what's it gotten me with other people? I am so close to giving up...I am. I'm tired of being hurt...i'm so tired. It's so easy some nights just to close my eyes and not have to think about the day. My life is one big One or the Other and everyday I have to face the facts with my options and that is my career or life. I would gladly just choose my career... I just don't want to end up a Scrooge. If I am to be alone can't it be the most incredible journey so that in my next life when I'm "settled" down I'll know what it's like to be alone and at least know that in a past life I once had the most incredible adventure?