Stress Levels

Hey blog,

I haven't forgotten about you. The past two weeks have been stressful...I don't have a whole lot going on...I think, but I'd really like to have a vacation from myself. Is that possible? One full week of rehearsals left for PRISON SONG and then it's showtime. I can't wait for the show to finally open. It really has been a labor of love for me and it's also taking it's tole (sp?) on me mentally. Between work, rehearsal, and working out I've realized once again that my life has fallen into it's typical pattern again. Where is the excitement you might ask? Well, I don't even know the answer to that myself. Last night while I was running at the gym and listening to my ipod I started to think about this trend I seeing going on in my life.

I've decided to put me first for the rest of this year. I see relationships blossoming for everyone around me and I'm happy for all of them, but I would be lying if I didn't really wonder when that was going to happen to me. Right now I'm not pushing for it or seeking it out because I think I might be slowly giving up on it. I see happy people dating and going out and I just think that's so nice. The other day someone at work asked why I wasn't dating anyone and didn't I realize half the guys at work have tried to ask me out and whatnot, but I don't mix work with relationships, and they've all "been" with each other, and it would just fail in the end. I said that I'm also tired of putting in extra hours and work into dating or being in a relationship right now and not seeing any type of good outcome with it. I stay positive about a lot of things and I've come to realize what I need right now is really just to be alone and sometimes that's hard for my mind to grasp, but for me being alone saves me from a lot of heartache. I'm too nice. I'm too faithful. I'm to giving and forgiving and it's time to lock it up right now. Even sexually. The other day I added some apps to my phone and I was completely not into them and I deleted them. I'm not going to find what I want on those apps and I'm sure as hell not going be appreciated with that shit either. I also hate those damn things too. I'm not bashing people that use them or find pleasure hooking up from time and time...it's just where I am right now...it's not for me..and it's not what I'm looking for. I'm a simple guy, nothing to complex, straightforward, honest, and reliable...I'd rather walk into my 30 or 40's alone and at least no I'm happy by myself because in the end that's what counts right?

I miss the nights of Dinner and a Movie.... :( Next week a OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL comes out and nobody understands how long I've waited for this movie to come out and it would be super nice if I could just go out and see it and not alone for once. ALTHOUGH I do find more joy in seeing movies alone. Last month I went and saw Wicked by myself and it was pretty good. I had an extra ticket, but nobody could go... I sold it :/

Well here's to a better week and not a sad week. Maybe something good will happen! Who knows but I look forward to it.

Well g2g PEACE