New York, New Life, New Love

Where do I begin? Wow, that's such a silly question. Well I packed my entire life up and moved all the way up here to New York. I'm not living in Queens, NY and this is the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I mean that. I've been living here since August 8th. So much time has flown by since the last time I really posted a blog here and that's partly my fault. A lot has happened to me this year alone. At the beginning of the year I moved to High Point, North Carolina to work with the North Carolina Shakespeare Festival with there to touring shows "Macbeth" and "A Midsummer Night's Shakespeare" it was the most fun I've had with a theatre company thus far in my short career. The company let me take on other projects like teaching in school and I got to work with Grammy nominated artist John Brown on a project he and some faculty from Duke University had been working on entitled "Such Sweet Thunder." After my time in N.C. ended I headed back to to Bama and started to actually figure out my next plan of action as far as work was concerned. While living in N.C. I decided to make some lifestyle changes and these changes began to affect how I saw myself and how others saw me. I decided to become a Pesicatarian (sp?). Co-workers of mine from NCSHAKES really sparked my interest in doing it and today I'm still one. I also began to re-evaluate a lot of things that were happening in my last relationship. I discovered a lot of things that had happened unknown to me during our time together and I immediately started acting out because something had been hidden from me for so long. I felt betrayed by what I had found and since it had been withheld from me for so long I slowly began to checkout of the relationship. What hurt the most about it was that I was made to look like it was my fault and that I shouldn't have done what I had done to find out what had happened. I tried so hard to get over it but instead of handling it the right way I felt like I should get even...although I never made physical contact with anyone..no kissing, no nothing. It was the hurt of not knowing something for 2 years that really started to get at me. Things began to change for me this year. I got my body back in order and I begin to not take shit anymore...from anyone. I wiped the sugar coated filter out of my eyes and I and I begin to not take BS from anyone. This is the year of "Don't Hide Shit From Me & Thinks It's Okay" I went back to Alabama and my Ex went to Atlanta to work for a theatre company out there. The riff was getting larger in our relationship...something really wasn't sitting right with me after the second time I saw them in N.C. I pushed for answers I wanted them and I needed them. Although what I heard and found out in our conversation in mid-May hurt...the next morning I was fine. I didn't know what this feeling was. I was ready the next morning to be a angry hot shitty mess..but I wasn't. I was okay. I went into work at the my old job and I was fine. I had the gym, work, and friends to really get me through this summer. I had moved back home to save more money...I had already saved up a bulk of my money from my last gig, and income taxes and when the plan to move to Atl was dashed...I was just sitting on a nest egg. This past summer I begin to tie up loose ends with folks and I tried dating other people..but I just wasn't emotionally available to either person. The Ex and I kept in contact with each other often but it really wasn't much. Sex was available...If I wanted it..but nothing ever emotional or even what I really wanted. I just needed this summer to relax and then the offer to move to NYC came up and I jumped on it. I sold my car..to my dad. I begin to see a chance at starting over. A actual second chance at life. I was going nowhere in Alabama and I needed to get out of the southern theatre scene where I felt little opportunity for growth as an actor and artist. I saved so much in such a short time and I began to make plans to move here. I helped the Ex move back from Atl to his new place...and it was great...really good closure. I regret nothing with them and there were some great times. I remember the night after my B'day party (where some crazy shit went down!) I begin to breakdown while I was packing my things in boxes. I cried like I had never cried before...I needed to. I needed to let go of bitterness from everything that had ever happened to me while living there. I was determined not to bring any bitterness here and into my new life here in NYC. It was one of the most freeing moments I've had by myself. On Aug 8th I moved up here and the moment my mom and bro. drove away living me outside my Apt here in New York..I felt like life began. I started job hunting and landed a job a week later and I've been auditioning my ass off. I dated a one guy for a brief moment and when I realized how much he reminded me of my Ex I had to call it off. I wasn't searching for another version of him...I didn't want that. I wanted something different and I craved something different. One night while a visting friend from out of town came to visit we went out to one of our regular spots in NYC called Therapy I see a guy looking at me across from the other table and later on he introduces himself to me and from then on we went on a few dates and I didn't give it up until our 4th date and we dated a few more times and now we are exclusive. I can't begin to tell you what learning him is like...that's tomorrows blog :) But I think this is the beginning of something..I can tell when someone has a big heart...and I have a big heart too...and this is just what I needed and I think he does too!